Saturday, April 14, 2007
Running Out Of Ideas
It's after nine, I haven't been to bed yet, and I'm really tired. I blame you guys. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the above video. You'd better, I stayed up all night making it.
It's a little bit on the quiet side. I'll fix it when I wake up.
Posted by Jeff at 9:16 AM
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Friday, April 13, 2007
Late
So far, I've managed to sneak things through before midnight. Won't happen tonight though. Today's thing will be up before I go to bed though, so it will still be Friday for me.
Posted by Jeff at 10:28 PM
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Friday, April 06, 2007
Sam and Ralf
This week I'm throwing a short story at you guys. It's pretty short, but I think there are a few good jokes in there.
Posted by Jeff at 10:59 PM
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Friday, March 30, 2007
Stumpy
So, there is this guy on the Internet. His name is Ze Frank. A while back he told the story of a four-legged duck named Stumpy. He then asked the visitors to his site to illustrate the story. I participated. Here is what I came up with along with the text of Ze's story.
Once again, I didn't write the story, I just made the pictures.
Oh yeah, and just so you know, Stumpy is a real duck.
Posted by Jeff at 11:27 PM
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Sunday, March 25, 2007
Birthday
Get the Flash Player to see this player.
Posted by Jeff at 12:10 PM
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Friday, December 01, 2006
New Stuff
Look up. Look left. Look right.
Pretty sexy, eh?
I wrote a Christmasy short story, and I do plan on putting it online, I just want to do some editing and desuckify it a little bit first. Don't worry though, it will almost certainly be online by the end of the weekend. And if it's not, then I don't know, you can punch me in the face or something.
-----UPDATE-----
Ehh, screw desuckifying. Here is the story. Read it and enjoy it.
Posted by Jeff at 4:11 PM
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Monday, October 02, 2006
Sellout
Sorry
Posted by Jeff at 3:06 PM
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Saturday, September 16, 2006
Tobin's Spirit Guide
Ahh, Tobin's Spitit Guide. If you don't know what it is, then go watch Ghostbusters again. You know what? Even if you do know what it is, watch Ghostbusters again. It's a damn good movie.
Anyway, up until 1989 Tobin's Spirit Guide was completely fictional: it existed only the Ghostbusters movie. But then, because they rock, West End Games put out a refrence guide of ghosts for the pen and paper (if you don't know that term, think Dungeons and Dragons style, not Final Fantasy style) RPG "Ghostbusters International". Three guesses what they called it. Well, through the magic of the Internet I got myself a copy of Tobin's Spirit Guide. Because I'm such a cool guy, every day from now until Halloween I'll post an entry from the guide. I'm going to leave off the stats in hopes that the copyright police won't get bitchy with me. This way, you'll still have to buy the book (which is almost certainly out of print) if you want to actually use the ghosts in a game of Ghostbusters International. So, let's get this party started with the first entry in the book. By the way, the book separates some entries into two sections: one with an anecdote about the ghost and the other with general information. See if you can figure out where one stops and the other starts. --------------------------------------
Sobek In the summer of 1798, so the story goes, a lieutenant in Napoleon's garrison at Alexandria, along with a companion, was strolling down a back street of that fair city when an odd figure approached from the opposite direction. The creature was no higher than four feet tall, with a stubby human body and a green-scaled head that looked for all the world like the head of a huge crocodile. "Pardon me," it said, although it had some trouble with the words because a crocodile's mouth does not shape the "p" sound easily, "but I require some directions." It then asked the lieutenant the way to eighteenth-century Alexandria's most notorious night club. A Frenchman true to his nature, the officer replied (here translated): "Sir, you speak French abominably. Are you an American?" The little creature opened its long toothy mouth as far as it could and bit the officer in half. The officer's companion, who related the story, had achieved the distance of half a block before the remains of the lieutenant's body hit the ground. Neither French military investigators nor the Alexandrian constabulary ever solved the case, nor did they find the mysterious creature. Nothing like it is recorded again until Cairo, 1882, when drunken soldiers that they had attended a party thrown by an Egyptian dwarf in a crocodile mask who spoke only perfect French.
Sebek______________________________ The paranormal nerd Sebek's strange appearance, strangely enough, doesn't frighten people; they just assume he's wearing a mask and trying to get their attention (which is partially true). He wants people to like him, and takes large bites out of anyone who makes fun of him or merely pretends to like him. He shows up in what he thinks is a popular locale; unfortunately, he's always just a little (at least) behind the times. When he's in New York, he looks for a good time at Studio 54; in Texas, he wants to ride the mechanical bull at Gilley's; in Small Town U.S.A., he stands on a street corner and checks out the girls. Being a nerd, of course, he'll never be really popular- but that won't keep him from trying.
----------------------------------------
Well, that's it for the first entry. I was planning on posting a real article today as well, but I didn't get it done. I'll try to get it up tomorrow.
Posted by Jeff at 9:29 PM
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Graveyard Gummies
Ok, Halloween article #2 is up. It's a bit light on the words, but that's the price you pay for getting two articles in the span of three days. Plus, I'm not really sure how much more I'd be able to say about these.
Also, if you didn't notice, I added a little something to the bottom of Sunday's post. You would have had to scroll down to see it, so you may have missed it. So, if you didn't see it, scroll down, read it, then get busy writing.
Expect article #3 by the end of the week.
Posted by Jeff at 9:22 PM
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Sunday, September 10, 2006
It Begins
Well, there is a jack-o-lantern hanging out with Dracula and Frankenstein on top of my TV, a mummy on my door, and a five-foot spider above my head. This can only mean one thing. It's time to start the Player Vs. Fish Halloween coverage.
Now, since Halloween stuff hasn't been on sale for very long, I haven't bought much. So let's start things off by talking about things that I haven't bought.
The Top 9 Halloween Things At Wal-Mart That I Wish I Had
I'm going to try to write something Halloween related at least a couple times a week, and starting on the 16th of this month, you'll get something small every day.
I'm also going to be merging the Turtle Tuesday section with the main article section. I'll be replacing it with a section dedicated to the Halloween stuff. That'll probably happen sometime today or tomorrow.
In other, sadder news this site has taken a massive drop (about 50%) in daily viewers. This has coincided almost perfectly with a drop in the number of hermaphrodite-based searches. I'm hoping that these things aren't related, even though they probably are. I would just hate to think that such a large percentage of my hits were from people looking for porn.
-----UPDATE-----Ok people, I've had an idea, and if you don't mind my saying, it's a pretty good one. Here's the plan: we do a sort of cooperative Halloween coverage. What I want is for you guys to write stuff and send it in for me to put up on the site. I generally try to make the stuff I put up funny, but don't feel obligated to do the same. If you want to write something serious, that's great. Sentimental: perfect. And I don't care what you write about. Write a review of some candy or a costume. Tell about a memorable trick or treating experience. Write a horror short story. Write a poem. Whatever you want. As long as it relates to Halloween I'll put it online. Unless I don't want to. What I mean by that is I will put it online unless it's the sort of thing I don't want on my site. Now, don't be too worried, as long as it's not something like an extremely descriptive short story about Jason having sex with Chucky, I'll probably put it online. I just want to make it clear that I have the right to not put something up that's horribly offensive. In a perfect world, hundreds, even thousands of people would submit things. Realistically I'd be happy to get a half dozen. But don't let my low expectations stop you. The more stuff you guys send in the better. In case you've never gotten curious about why my name is blue, my e-mail address jeff@playervsfish.com. If you have any pictures that go with your writing you can either send them as attachments to the e-mail or upload them to the net and send me links. If you don't have hosting of your own, http://imageshack.us/ and http://www.photobucket.com/ both work well. Be sure to make note in your text of where the images go, I don't want to have to guess.
Posted by Jeff at 5:42 PM
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Monday, August 28, 2006
Halloween Cards At Wal-Mart
Well, it looks like I am going to have to kick off this little project myself. I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and while they did not have any decorations or costumes, they did have cards. Lots of cards.
And remember, send your pictures of Halloween stuff to jeff@playervsfish.com. Be sure to include the name of the store, the city, and the date the Halloween stuff appeared. And spread the word, because this website doesn't have a big enough readership to get enough data to do anything cool.
In other news, Windows is being an asshole, so I'm running a version of Linux that will boot from a cd. I'm thinking about actually installing Linux to this tiny little 8.5 gig hard drive I've had lying around for a while. According to my server stats, about 1% of the page requests I get are from Linux users, so at least two of you should have a suggestion for a good distro. If you do, leave a comment or send me an e-mail and I'll love you forever.
Posted by Jeff at 11:09 AM
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Saturday, August 26, 2006
It's Been A Year... Sorta
I bought this website on August 25, 2005. Now, before you point out that the first thing in the archive is dated much later than that, let me explain: I bought the domain and hosting in August, but only used it for storage until march. That was one year ago yesterday. I thought it would be fun to share a graph from my server stats with you guys. It shows the number of page requests separated by month. Unfortunately, there was no graph showing the number of unique visitors, which I think would have been more interesting. Maybe I'll feel like compiling the data myself once march comes around.
Also, I have a Halloween update. I went to Biglots today, and well, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.
I've had an idea. This goes out to everyone, even you guys coming here from porn searches. If you notice that a store in your area has put out Halloween crap, get a picture and send it to me at jeff@playervsfish.com. Tell me what city you're in, the name of the store, and the date you first noticed the Halloween stuff. If you feel bold, talk to an employee and try to find out exactly when the Halloween stuff went on sale. If you have a website it would be great if you could have your readers do the same. If I get enough, I may be able to do something cool with the data and pictures, so don't hold back.
Posted by Jeff at 3:08 PM
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
About Damn Time
It must be a horror type of day, because I have three separate scary topics to talk about. First off, and I'm putting this in all caps, bold, and italics because I think it really deserves the emphasis, THE HALLOWEEN SEASON IS OFFICIALLY HERE!!!!!!!! You read that right. The other day at the supermarket they had a book full of Halloween crafts in with the impulse buys. At Wal-Mart they had black lights marked as spooky Halloween lights. Party City has started putting their Halloween crap out in full force. I'm damn near giddy.
Coming in second on this spooky list is what can only be described as the best cup ever. I was over at my friend Troy's house when I spied this creepy mo-fo in the cabinet. It turns out that it's his sister's, and she sold it to me for five bucks. Hell yes. Front
 Side
 Back
And finally, have you ever noticed that when you pop in your Friday The 13th Part 3 DVD it only has 2 dimensions? You know how when it was played in the theater it had three, and you had to watch it with the snazzy glasses? Well, if you ever come over to my house you had better bring your snazzy glasses, cuz we'll be "chi-chi-chi-chi hah-hah-hah-hah"ing in 3D. Unfortunately, the software used to make it all 3D doesn't seem to want to let me rewind or fast-forward, so you won't be getting any screen-caps until feel like watching it for real, and that won't be until I get my hands on some of the snazzy glasses.
You know what, forget what I said earlier. Halloween is coming and I am giddy. There is no "damn near" about it.
Posted by Jeff at 9:00 PM
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Friday, August 18, 2006
Myspace
In my last news post I mentioned my Myspace account and said that I had not yet finished the layout. Well, I finished it.
http://www.myspace.com/playervsfish
If you are cool at all then you will check it out. If you are really cool then you will add me as a friend.
--UPDATE--
Crap. Crap crap crap. Regarding the Myspace, it turns out that I am an idiot for at least three reasons. First, I forgot to add a link to view all of my friends. Same with the comments. The comments aren't a problem because I only have one right now. The friends on the other hand is a pretty bad thing. You see, the list of friends on my profile is done a little bit differently than you normally see on Myspace. Normally, the list is generated automatically based on your top 8 (or however many) friends. Mine is done the old fashioned way: Creating the thumbnail in Photoshop, uploading it, and manually linking it to the friend's profile. More control, but less automation. It's also a little bit of a pain in the ass, so I'm only going to do it for people I know in real life.
I also realized that right now all of the images I used in the profile are hosted on playervsfish.com. It works fine, except whenever someone visits my Myspace profile it will count as a hit on playervsfish.com. This will make it impossible to tell exactly how popular the site is. I'm not 100% sure as I've never played with sub-domains, but I believe that if I host them on myspace.playervsfish.com it will create separate stats for that sub domain and everything will be kept separate. It should work, but it'll be a pain in the ass to go through all the code to fix it.
In other news, a new article is on the way. A review of a children's Spider-Man story book. I just got the book from my grandma's house about five minutes ago, so it might take a few days to get the article together.
Posted by Jeff at 7:01 PM
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Ok, which one of you sick bastards did it?
Also interesting is the guy who likes the hermaphrodites, but doesn't want anything to do with shemales or trannies.
In other news, I got an odd message on Myspace today.
This message is odd for a few reasons.
First, I have never heard of Camille.
Second, aside from setting up the friend's profile, neither Camille or her friend (Liz) have done anything on Myspace.
Third, the link is to add Liz as a friend, not to view her profile.
Fourth, I have not even been on Myspace long enough to finish my profile, so there is no legitimate way for either Camille or Liz to have found my profile to message me.
Fifth, there are some rather sexy pictures of Liz on her Profile. (If you got here through a search engine, don't get your hopes up. She isn't a hermaphrodite. Also, the pictures are safe for work.)
Added together, these things tell me that this was a spam message and is some kind of scam. The question is how should I proceed? Should I do the sensible thing and flag the message as spam? Or should I add this Liz person as a friend and see how it plays out?
Of course if I do decide to see how it plays out I will create an alternate account to do it. I don't want my real profile added to a dumb-enough-to-actually-click-on-links-in-spam-messages list.
Posted by Jeff at 9:32 PM
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Monday, August 07, 2006
That's A Lot Of Searches
Ok, I'm not so sure this is funny anymore.
24 hermaphrodite porn 8 create a wrestler 7 hermaphrodite pictures 2 fish of player 2 japanese hermaphrodite 1 create a wrestler superman 1 oroku saki 1 create wrestler 1 hermaphrodite 1 create a wrestler for smackdown vs raw 2006 1 hermaphrodite dvd
Those are the searches from August. Here is July. 31 hermaphrodite porn 29 create a wrestler 6 player vs fish 5 hermaphrodite 4 player vs fish create a wrestler tell me how 4 krang 3 fear factor cakes 3 hermaphrodite pictures 2 oroku saki 2 create a wrestler on the computer 2 ninja turtles the next mutation 2 find hermaphrodite video 2 japanese hermaphrodite 2 created wrestlers on smackdown vs raw 2006 2 ninja anime 1 www.fish porn grow up 1 turtle anime 1 wrestler create 1 ninja turtles fan site 1 create superman on smackdown vs raw 2006 1 pictures of cakes made with twinkies 1 wwe smackdown vs raw 2006 create a wrestlers 1 pink ranger 1how to make superman caw on raw v.s smackdown 1 fluppy dogs 1 ninja turtle cakes 1 cakes ninja turtles 1 tmnt vs robots 1 ninja turtles porn 1 bebop and rocksteady 1 squirrelmail notifier 1 snake cakes 1 tmnt anime 1 smackdown vs raw 2006 created wrestlers 1 porn ninja turtles 1 player vs fish create a wrestler 1 joe rogan 1 create a wrestler for smackdown! vs raw 2006 1 fish vs wrestler 1 batman riddler picture 1 porn searches 1 pizza fear factor kids 1 captain america create a wrestler 1 google notifier beep 1 half man half beast picture 1 create a wrestler for smackdown vs raw 2006 1 pretty cakes 1 man look like fish
And for June: 14 create a wrestler 4 hermaphrodite porn 2 create a wrestler smackdown vs raw 2006 2 wrestler cakes 2 create a player on smackdown vs raw 2 2006 created wrestler 2 bebop and rocksteady 1 player vs fish 1 smackdown vs raw 2006 created wrestlers 1 smackdown vs raw create a wrestler 1 easter cakes 1 tmnt colorforms 1 create a wrestler now 1 bubble bath pictures 1 little debbie snack distributed 1 smackdown vs raw created wrestlers 1 he man 1 created wrestlers for smackdown vs raw 2006 1 fear factor cakes 1 turtles ninjas If you don't feel like doing the math, that's an average of 4 perverted searches a week in June (the first perverted search came in on the 23rd of June), 10.16 in July, and 40.83 so far in August. That's a 254% increase from June to July, and a 402% increase from July to August. Luckily, I don't have enough data to accurately project future months. I have a feeling that the numbers will increase until I get the #1 rank for the "hermaphrodite porn" search and then will level off. They will remain level until people start linking to this site and my Google Pagerank increases enough for Internet porn addicts to find the site through Google. It's kind of got me thinking. I get a lot of porn traffic without having to actually have any porn. Imagine the number of visitors I could get if I actually had hermaphrodite porn. I'd never have to work a day in my life. All I need to do is figure out how to run a hermaphrodite porn site without having to actually look at hermaphrodite porn. In related news, I was recently the #2 search result for "hermaphrodite porn" on MSN. I am now #5. I know that I shouldn't be, but I'm a little bit pissed off about that. Damn legitimate porn sites are stealing visitors away from me. Bastards.
Posted by Jeff at 1:41 PM
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Sunday, July 30, 2006
Wake Up Burst
Two big things to talk about today.
First of all, yesterday was a huge day for this site. 56 unique visitors. It doesn't sound like a lot, and it isn't, but I feel pretty good when the site breaks 20. 56 is just huge.
In that record 56 visitors, I think we also had a record number of porn searches.
7 hermaphrodite porn 3 hermaphrodite pictures 2 hermaphrodite 1 porn ninja turtles
Keep in mind, that's just for yesterday, it is not cumulative.
Second, I got a new toy. And when I say new, I mean old.  Pretty cool, eh? I got it at an antique store for $15. It's alarm is broken, but in a cool way. The mechanism that lets the alarm know when to sound is broken so the alarm never stops. So, whenever I push the lever that turns the alarm on it starts playing, and when I pull it, it stops. I know I didn't describe that well, but the put it simply: I can listen to the alarm whenever I want, but I can't use it as an alarm clock. And that suits me fine, because I wouldn't want to use it as an alarm clock. Even though it does have a great alarm.
Jealous?
P.S. Bonus points to anyone who can date the clock based on it's art.
Posted by Jeff at 10:50 PM
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Saturday, July 15, 2006
Fear Factor: Part Deux
Sorry for going so long without a new article. I'd say it's because I've been busy, but that would be a lie. I'm just lazy. It's ok though, because I have put up a new article for everyone to read and enjoy. More Fear Factor Snacks. What more could you possibly ask for?
Fear Factor Snacks: Part TwoAnd, because I know you love it, I figured I'd give you all an updated count on perverts finding this site through web serches. 15 hermaphrodite porn 1 ninja turtles porn 1 porn searches 1 japanese hermaphrodite 1 bubble bath pictures On MSN I am the #7 result for hermaphrodite porn, #2 result for Japanese hermaphrodite porn (used to be #1, but got bumped by a site that actually offers Japanese hermaphrodite porn), and #1 result for Japanese hermaphrodite. On Yahoo, I am the #42 result for hermaphrodite porn (any Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy fans out there?), and the #16 result for Japanese hermaphrodite porn. And Google, as usual, is smart enough to realize that this site doesn't have any porn. Speaking of Google, I officially have a page rank of 1. Pretty low, but it's better than the 0 I used to have. Hopefully this means I will have a better chance of perverts finding the site through Google. ---------------UPDATE--------------- As it turns out, they are Pop-Ups, not Push Ups. Oops. I fixed the article. Also, another day, another perverted search. Today it's "www.fish porn grow up". Sounds hot.
Posted by Jeff at 5:23 PM
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Number One
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=japanese+hermaphrodite&FORM=QBHP
As far as I know, I'm the number one search result for two things. "Player Vs Fish", and that.
You know, I have considered putting up Google ads, but decided that I don't get enough visitors to make it worth the effort. I'm kind of glad that I didn't put them up, because if this is what search engines think of me, I have a feeling they'd get pretty weird.
Posted by Jeff at 1:15 PM
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Monday, July 03, 2006
Halloween In July
Couple things to talk about. First of all, I saw Superman. It had its problems. Main thing was that the film makers didn't seem to understand how kryptonite works. On the whole though, I loved it. If you're the sort of person who waits for things to come out on DVD, don't. I really think that this is one that you need to see on a big ass screen to fully enjoy. If you have one in your area, you should watch it in an Imax theater. That's what I did, and the opening credits alone were worth the $12. My one complaint with the Imax is the lack of previews. There were about three trailers, all for Imax things. The normal theatrical trailers were nowhere to be found. Normally this would be a good thing, but I heard that there is usually a Spider-Man 3 trailer, and I really wanted to see that. This paragraph was written at a third grade level. Too bad I'm too lazy to go back and fix it.
Also, a word about downloading movies off the internet. I wanted to see this movie a second time, but not badly enough to shell out the cash to watch it in the theater a second time, at least not until it hits the $2 theater. So, I turned to the internet. Found two different copies. One was in French, so it was out, and the quality on the other one just sucked. Listen, if you are one of those guys who takes a camera into movie theaters, take my advice. If you can't get into an empty theater, don't bother. I don't want a laugh track on Superman, and I definitely don't want to see the silhouette of some guy who needs more popcorn. If you can't run the audio directly from the projector, then don't bother. And for the love of God, buy a tripod. What does all this add up to? If you don't have full access to a theater when it is normally closed, don't bother. There are people out there doing this that work at, manage, or even own theaters. These people can get in there when the theater is closed, and have access to the projector. They can put out videos that are near DVD quality. Why the hell would I want to have to wade through your crap to find theirs? Ok, rant #2. Fireworks. Two things about Fireworks. First of all, if you set them off when I'm trying to sleep, I will hate you forever. If you have fireworks, try to refrain from setting them off at night. They may look a little bit prettier, but you will piss off your neighbors. Second thing is be careful where you shoot them. Try to keep them out of your neighbors' yards, and if they do get in someone else's yard, clean them up. Just because it isn't your yard doesn't mean it isn't your responsibility. And please, if you listen to nothing else I say, listen to this: Don't set them off anywhere near someone's house. There are fires every year. You don't want to burn down your house, and I'm pretty sure that your neighbors don't want you burning down theirs. Now that my ranting is out of the way, I went shopping a couple days ago. Didn't buy anything worth talking about, but I did see a few things. I went back to the store with the Fear Factor candy. When I first bought the candy, around Easter, they had three boxes, all almost full. Check out this picture.
Don't know for sure that it's the same candy, but all signs point to me being the only person stupid enough to buy these. You may notice something else too. Like say a fourth variety. Originally, I did buy all four. I just forgot there were four in the months between buying them and writing about them. I still have the fourth one, and if I feel a little big masochistic in the next few days you'll get a Fear Factor Candy Part 2. I'll probably also pick up some of the popsicles, if only to make the article a bit longer.
I also stopped by a party store that was all the way on the other side of town. The party store near my house doesn't have Halloween stuff anymore. This party store does. When I found the Halloween aisle, I was way, way more excited than I should have been. If you are a fan of the website cockeyed.com, you'll know that his slogan is "Always bring your camera." Words to live by, my friends, words to live by. If you aren't a fan of his site, you should be. Looking back at the pictures and the pictures of the price tags, I really wish that I had seen fit to shell out some cash. Luckily, in a little over a week I'll be starting work on a fairly major project that will require my return to Party City, so I might just get my own Grow A Monster yet. You won't hear about it for a while, because I'm not about to waste good Halloween articles in the middle of the summer, but I'll have him and I'll be a better person for it. In search query news, playervsfish.com has officially been found six times through searches for "hermaphrodite porn", once through a search for "porn searches", and once through a search for "bubble bath pictures", which may or may not be dirty. Why am I telling you this? It's very simple. I want to be the number one search result for "hermaphrodite porn". Right now I'm #8 in MSN, #17 in Yahoo, and is not within the top 1000 results in Google. Apparently, only Google is smart enough to realize that I don't have any hermaphrodite porn. Or it could just be my page rank of 0.
Posted by Jeff at 7:04 PM
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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Sorry
Looks like there isn't going to be a Visionaries article. At least not right now. I just wasn't feeling it. After I had gotten about a page written it was clear that it wasn't going to turn out well at all.
I may try again later after I feel like my writing has improved some, but if you were holding your breath waiting for the article, you might want to stop if you plan on breathing again this year.
On the plus side, if are jonesin' for some Visionaries, I found the first episode on YouTube.
Click here for cartoon perfection
I also used my freeware video editing software to make an MP3 from the opening theme.
Visionaries Theme
And no, I can't understand half the words either.
Posted by Jeff at 11:32 PM
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Friday, June 23, 2006
Ewwww
Every once in a while people find this site through search engines. When this happens, the search query shows up on my server statistics page. This is incredibly very useful information. For example, I know that 90% of the people who come to this site through search engines were looking for something to do with creating wrestlers in Smackdown Vs. Raw. If I were smart, I'd post more stuff about the game to appeal to these readers. It's not gonna happen though, mainly because I was borrowing the game, and don't have it anymore.
Aside from Smackdown Vs. Raw, I mainly get random searches for He-Man or Ninja Turtles related things. Sometimes, however, there are anomalies.
Sometimes, anomalies make me want to kill myself.
If you didn't read the it, my article about the Japanese Ninja Turtles anime contained a quick joke about hermaphrodite porn. Because of that, my site is now the 14th result in an MSN search for hermaphrodite porn. Don't you just love the internet?
This post will undoubtedly raise my rank in hermaphrodite porn searches. Before you know it, the site might just become a hit among hermaphrodite fetishists, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that.
Posted by Jeff at 8:25 AM
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I Heart Google
I just installed a few Google tools that rock my socks to such an extent that I felt like talking about them.
First, let's discuss e-mail. If you look at the bottom of any news post you will see my name in blue. It's an e-mail link, you know in case someone decides that they want to send me an e-mail. Well, another thing it does is allow spammers to easily get my address and send me a bunch of crap I don't want. Now, I love the company that I use for web hosting, but I don't much like software they use for webmail. It's called SquirrelMail, and I really liked it at first. It's not much to look at, but it does what it does well and is pretty easy to use. Unfortunately, I quickly discovered a couple of big flaws. Mainly, spam. It doesn't have a built-in spam filter. I can enable a filter on the server that stops spam before SquirrelMail ever sees it, but any false positives are gone forever, and that kind of scared me.
Luckily, Google came to my rescue. Now, if anyone sends an e-mail to jeff@playervsfish.com it goes to both my SquirrelMail and the Gmail account I just created, playervsfish@gmail.com. That's not all, because Google rocks so thoroughly, I can have mail I send from playervsfish@gmail.com tell you that it came from jeff@playervsfish.com. In other words, I get all the convenience and spam-filtering power of Gmail, but I still get to use my snazzy playervsfish.com e-mail address.
But that's not all. As it turns out, Google Notifier rocks too. Now whenever I get an e-mail it pops up a little notification on my desktop. Now, that's useful and everything, but here's the bit that's got me doing a happy-dance: whenever you leave a comment on this site the commenting software sends me an e-mail. Before I Googlefied my computer this was convenient because it's easier to check my e-mail than it is to check every news post. Now, if you leave a comment, my computer goes beep-beep and pops up a little message telling me about it.
Speaking of comments, you know how when you post a comment on pretty much any web page or blog or even message board, you generally don't get a spell checker, and if you want to keep from looking like an idiot you have to copy your post into Word or something to check the spelling? Well, I don't gotta do that no more. I installed the Google toolbar in Firefox. Hated the hell out of it, but because Google and Firefox both rock I was able to move the features that I wanted, like being able to spell-check any web form, to my existing toolbars and hide the Google toolbar.
So, to summarize: I can use Gmail for my playervsfish.com address, anytime I get an e-mail or someone posts a comment on the site I am instantly notified, and I can spell-check comment boxes.
Now, how about some news about the site that you may actually care about? Remember the 80s cartoon Visionaries? I won't be surprised if you don't, as it only ran for 13 episodes, but those were 13 half-hours of pure awesomeness. I'll have the full series by the end of the week. Expect an article. Also, remember the movie Fluppy Dogs? Well, I have a tape of it around here somewhere. Not exactly sure where though, so I can promise that there will be a Fluppy Dogs article, I just can't be sure when.
Posted by Jeff at 2:23 AM
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Thursday, June 15, 2006
Tiki Tiki, Bitches
I went to Dollar Tree yesterday and bought some new friends.
 Now, I like tiki shit as much as the next guy, but I'm not normally one to spend money on things like tiki statues. At $1 though, there is no way that I couldn't buy these guys. They are designed to look like they are hand carved out of wood, but that's a trick. They are cast from something that the label identifies as "polystone," which is clearly a fancy word for plastic. And you know what else? The original pieces weren't carved from wood either. If you look closely, you can tell that someone made the originals out of clay and added the carved details to fool us. But hey, they were only a dollar, so they are allowed to be a little bit shitty. Aside from the tiki statues, you may notice a few new things about the site. First of all, the site now has a favicon. I got tired of never being able to find my own site when I have a ton of tabs open in Firefox, which is always. Look to the left of the address bar, and if you are cool you should see a little "PVF." I have also fixed the comments. Earlier today I discovered that I had accidentally set it up so that I had to approve comments before they are shown. This was not intentional, and shouldn't happen anymore. I also noticed that I hadn't properly linked the style sheet for the comments. They should be a lot easier to read now. Also, as soon as I finish this news post, I'll be adding a short epilogue to the Fear Factor Gummis article, so if you've already read it, open it again and feel free to skip to the bottom. If you haven't already read it, then you had better read the whole damn thing. I have my little tiki men watching the article, and if you skip the beginning, you just might find yourself with a tiki curse. And tiki curses are no fun, just ask Greg Brady. UPDATEAs it turns out, the tikis are a bit cheaper than I originally thought.
Posted by Jeff at 9:30 PM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
If Joe Rogan had anything to do with this, he is dead to me...
Originally, this one wasn't going to be an actual article, but would just be on the news page. After writing it though, it turned out to be long enough to warrant a full-fledged article. So, if you want to learn about a gummi snack that should not exist then check at the newest article. You'll probably be disappointed, but that's ok. I had to eat the damn things, so you should have to suffer a little bit too.
Also, I would like to address the comments on this site. According to my server stats, people visit this page, and people read the articles. Not a lot of people, but some. You wouldn't know it from the comments though. With the exception of JoshC, who officially rocks, the comments have been completely barren. Now, the comments are on here for two main reasons.
The first is for idle chit-chat and discussion of the topics in the news posts and articles. It would be great if you used the comments for this purpose, as it would make the site seem less, I don't know, static or something, and would help give people a reason to come to this site in between updates. At the end of the day though, these things aren't that important and I don't really care if you use the comments like that or not.
The reason I would really like you to use the comments is I don't really think I'm that good of a writer. I enjoy writing, which is why I made this site, and I do think that I do a decent job, but there is a lot of room for improvement.
So, if you see something in an article that you don't like, or that isn't written particularly well, or conversely that is written particularly well and is better than the crap I usually write, post a comment and let me know about it. It will help me improve, and will make the site better.
Posted by Jeff at 1:41 AM
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Sunday, June 11, 2006
Ninja Turtles Anime?
Yes, it exists. And no, I don't know why it exists. What I do know is it's not the sort of thing that you'd actually want to watch. But fear not my loyal readers, for I have scoured the internet and found two things that prove that God does not exist and four additional things that prove that he might exist after all.
The first two things are the two episodes of the Ninja Turtle anime. I will be reviewing these. You will get episode one now, and episode two when I get around to doing it. Things three through six are Japanese Ninja Turtle commercials. You will get two now, and two when I feel like putting up the review for episode two.
The review of the first episode is up. It's not very long and not very good, but it's what you get. The first two commercials are up too. You'll probably get more enjoyment out of those.
Posted by Jeff at 2:49 AM
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Sunday, May 28, 2006
Colorform Theater
Ok, a few things. First of all, I got a new camera. A Fujifilm Finepix F10 It's nice. The really nice thing about it is it will actually take pictures of things, so I won't have to sweet talk people into letting me borrow their cameras to make articles. This should (hopefully) mean more frequent updates. Remember when I promised better pictures of my Skeletor bubble bath? Well...
Secondly, Writely. If you don't know what it is, Google bought up this cool little web-based word processor. It works really well, the problem is it's in a beta stage, kinda like Gmail, which means that if you want to use it, a current user has to invite you. Well, I got myself an invite yesterday. Now, I hate blogger's interface, and one of the cool features of Writely is you can update a variety of blogs with it. I'm gonna try it out for the next few posts, and let you guys know how it works out. If I like it, I'll spread some invites around to reward my five readers.
Thirdly, do you guys remember Colorforms? You know those little plastic deals that stuck to cardboard scenery? Yeah, I know. Worst description ever. Well, they inspired me to write a new article. Unfortunately, I kind of ran out of steam before I even got to the part I wanted to do, so it ends in a "To be continued". But that just means that there will be more later. Assuming I ever get around to it. The content in question is Colorform Theater. Think of it kind of like a web comic, but made with Colorforms. Except I really didn't want to make a web comic, so I didn't use any speech bubbles. So, think of it as a play with Colorform illustration. Or something. I don't know.
Posted by Jeff at 6:55 AM
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Monday, May 01, 2006
Create a Wrestler
Sorry I've missed the last few Turtle Tuesdays. This is the last week of college before summer break, so I should have more time to devote to the site.
Oh yeah, and you know what? I got my TV capture card working, so I can start reviewing videos. I can also hook the old Playstation 2 up through it and do cool things like taking screen shots of wrestlers I've created. Yep, that's right, it kind of sucks, but it's still a new article. Don't you feel lucky?
Posted by Jeff at 9:44 PM
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Monday, April 24, 2006
Life's Work
I have decided to dedicate my life to developing the technology to allow the human brain to survive without a body. Why would I want to do this, you ask? So I can be just like Krang.
Posted by Jeff at 12:53 AM
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Skeletor Bubble Bath
Went to the antique store today. I wasn't too excited about it at first, but then I remembered that they sell toys. And boy am I glad I went. I managed to snag a bottle of Skeletor bubble bath from 1983. There is still some bubble bath in the bottle. If I were a braver man I'd take a bath with it and write an article about it. Unfortunately, I have no intention of actually using 23 year old bubble bath. This guy is just going to have to hang out on my shelf next to Godzilla. Expect some better pictures tomorrow.
And before you freak out about Skeletor using He-Man's sword, keep in mind that in the early comics things were a bit different...
Posted by Jeff at 8:33 PM
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Easter snacks
Finally got the Easter snack cake article up. Hope you all enjoy it.
Easter Snack Cakes
And just so the few of you who visit this site know, once again, Turtle Tuesday probably won't be up until this evening, but it will be done before midnight. I promise.
Update: I lied.
Posted by Jeff at 3:38 AM
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Colors Part 2
I'm on my desktop now. Fixed the colors, and fixed a problem that made that navigation look funky on higher resolutions.
Posted by Jeff at 2:37 AM
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Monday, April 10, 2006
Colors
Holy shit. This site is all purple and what not. You know how colors get different when you look at a laptop from the wrong angle? Well, I was sure this site was blue.
Posted by Jeff at 1:26 AM
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Saturday, April 08, 2006
Christmas is over...
In the area where I live there is one guy who still has his Christmas lights up. I don't know the person, but whenever I drive by his house it makes me think Christmasy thoughts and puts me in a good mood. Or at least it did. Today when I drove by the lights were gone. Guess that means the Christmas season is officially over. And that makes me sad.
Posted by Jeff at 11:29 PM
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Procrastination Sucks
Turtle Tuesday #2 is up, with one hour to spare. Oh yeah, I'm good.
Turtle Tuesday #2: Enter The Shredder
Posted by Jeff at 10:58 PM
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Saturday, April 01, 2006
Money+Me=Bad
Ok guys, I'm not sure this whole web site thing is going to work out. It's been up for 6 days, and I'm already wasting money on crap I don't need or particularly want, just to write about it on the site.
Sorry about the picture quality. My camera is widely regarded as being the worst on the planet (actually, it's not that bad. It just doesn't do well under fluorescent light. My entire apartment is lit with fluorescent bulbs)
That's every Easter themed snack cake that Wal-Mart had, three Easter themed cookie sets, a box of King Kong Twinkies, and Chip and Dale OMPs. Yes, I know that you don't know what an OMP is, that's because that's not what they are actually called. You'll just have to wait for the article to find out what they are. I'll try to get it up this weekend, but a rather long paper for school has to get done first because failing out of college is bad, and the second Turtle Tuesday article has to get done first, because it needs to get done by Tuesday. So it's entirely possible that I'll be completely burned out on writing before I get to it. Don't worry though, it will be up before Easter. And you know that's true, because it's italicized.
Posted by Jeff at 12:46 AM
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Friday, March 31, 2006
Oops...
Funny story. As it turns out, when I uploaded the article about the He-Man book to the server, the 30th image somehow got left out. It's fixed now.
You can find the article here. The picture in question is the third from the bottom.
Posted by Jeff at 4:31 PM
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006
It's still Tuesday, damn it!
I wanted to post this earlier, but I was unable to do so partially because of a night class that goes from 6 to 10, and partly because I didn't have it done until 5:30.
I would like to apologize ahead of time for the quality of this article. It is, in my defense, my first attempt at reviewing much of anything. Future ones should get better as I get better, so hang in there. If you want to help speed up the process, make use of the comment button and let me know what you did and didn't like about the review.
Anyway, the review is the first in the Turtle Tuesdays series. By the time you read this, a new navigation button will be added up top that links to a full list of Turtle Tuesday reviews (If you missed the first news post, I have every episode of the original Ninja Turtle cartoon and plan to review an episode every week on Tuesday.)
Turtle Tuesday: Episode 1-Turtle Tracks
Next week it should come a little earlier in the day.
Posted by Jeff at 5:12 PM
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Saturday, March 25, 2006
The Smell That Smells
You smell that? Sure you do. Kinda like a cross between a glass of strawberry soda that's been sitting out for just a little bit too long and that slightly burnt scent that blow-driers give off. It's the sweet, sweet stench of a new web site. And the web site that's doin' the stenching, it's mine.
The first feature is up. It's a very nice article about a Masters of The Universe book. It even has scans of every page, so if the unthinkable is true and you hate my writing, you should still check it out if you are a He-Man fan. And if you aren't, then you should become one. All the cool kids like He-Man.
If you are wondering what to expect from future articles, I am currently planning to do a comparitive review of three toys based on the character Thing from the Fantastic Four: a Lego set, an action figure large enough to border on statue, and a dress up set. I also have a nice stack of oldish videos that have either been sitting around my house since I was much younger or been purchased at the Goodwill. I plan on reviewing these once I figure out why the TV capture card on my computer isn't capturing TV. Also in the realm of video, I have downloaded a few things that I plan to review. Most notably, every episode of the original Ninja Turtles TV show. How's an episode a week sound to you guys? We can call it "Turtles Tuesday", or something silly like that.
Also, for the record, this page design is very much a place-holder. You can expect a much better looking page in the near future.
Posted by Jeff at 8:12 PM
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